kidding it's probably the gun oil it takes on a certain smell when cleaning a gun the arm doesn't smell like anything even to me but that's probably since the vibranium has been thoroughly refined also I think your sense of smell is fine if you can pick up on the gunmetal
so there
right I'm not asking because I don't understand the concept I'm just not sure what exactly he thinks he can do or what you think he'd do he's not part of my world and I'm not part of his but the people I know actually control a lot of the world we both exist in and I have to make concessions for that regardless
anyway okay, i should probably lay out how it works fuckin ziggy stardust doesn't actually make anything happen, not himself he can't actually physically affect anything here people who make deals rack up favors, and most of the time, they pay them back by doing random shit they don't know why they're doing example: a lot of my meds i get because a doctor or pharmacy tech or whatever get a message to write a prescription for, i dunno, alexei volkov or something and send it to whatever cvs they don't know shit about me or why they're doing it, they're just doing it because they owe favors a lot of it's little stuff like that, like leave a package somewhere big grants get big favors. steal something, set something on fire, cause a car crash maybe they're filling an end of another bargain, like okay: dead ass classic monkey paw shit someone wishes for money. some other schmuck drops their cig without stomping it, sets the first person's house on fire, parents die, they collect inheritance so then, say, maybe you feel pissed off because you feel like you got shorted, right. you didn't think it was gonna go like that, so now you're like "why the fuck would i go break glass in a parking lot, i'm not doing that" that's when there's problems. it's not just tit for tat, they're gunking up the machine so it's not something like some cryptid-looking ass showing up in your window you gotta worry about it could BE someone from hydra or any other people you know tailing your ass or more likely a bunch of randos setting off some domino effect they don't even know they're part of
honestly? none of that is too different from HYDRA but there's a difference between choosing to be involved and acting from outside their means to me, I mean I know you don't feel that way but that's usually where things come apart you have to be part of the machine to feel the consequences of it
you are already I'm not he can't do anything to me unless he forces me into the machine and I already have nothing to lose (other than you but like you're already in it, as I said, and your function is already guaranteed)
i love you and that's scary as fuck to me because i don't want anything to happen to you because of me and i know, i remember, whatever you're gonna do is your choice but i'm really fucking scared of something happening to you i don't know how to be like you about it i'm just trying to survive in the machine me being scared doesn't mean i don't believe in you, or... i don't know, it means that i'm scared that i care about someone enough that it could hurt please tell me you get that
of course I do sorry I wanted to keep it flirty but I need to address this properly
this is what love means love means that sometimes you make choices for each other that you know might hurt but you have to trust are worth the risk being able to accept that hurt is part of loving someone, even if things don't go the way you personally prefer ESPECIALLY if they don't
and if that's too much
well I don't think I need to say what the solution is but that's just what it means to love
and I'm not like...whatever you mean when you say "I don't know how to be like you about it" I'm afraid too people know about you that I don't want knowing about you the world isn't as big as we like to pretend it is but I thought letting it go was worth it, getting to see you and be with you for a week
if I'm asking too much of you, then I understand but to me, you'll always be worth it, Alexander
when i say "like you," i mean that you're brave as fuck and you can say things then do them you could be like "i'm gonna go move the sun now" and i'd expect you to fuckin float up into space and move the sun i wish i could be like that i try to be like that but it's just shitty acting i know you're saying you're afraid too, but i really think that much of you you're still the coolest person i know
i'm sorry i'm not better at... being loved?? i guess is what i'm trying to say, lmao like dead ass, when you're ready to bend over backwards for me, i'm just like, why??? which is on me being fucked up like i would do the same for you in a second yknow i don't mean it like i wouldn't
i don't think it's too much i just don't want you to get hurt because of me you can say you won't or you don't care if you do and you'd do it a million times but it's not gonna make me not feel bad cause i'd do the same for you
you are, though brave you admitted how you felt when you didn't have to and you gave me a chance when you didn't even know what it really meant yet because you felt it mattered enough you're the sun in my sky, Alexander
that's how love is though if you do the same I'll probably feel bad too scared for you when I think you only deserve the best and maybe I can't really give that to you anyway upset that I'm not more and can't be the answer to your problems, that you can hurt even when I do everything to try and stop it
but I love you because you're you and not because you're someone else if you were any other way, you wouldn't be the man I love
it didn't feel very brave i was gonna talk about the sun then it turned into me rambling about space like i was gonna call you a black hole because black holes are the only things that have any effect on the sun and they're really misunderstood and how they work is actually wicked cool and then well i guess i just did anyway anyway
i think some of love has to be just being there even if you can't solve the problem i'm not trying to turn it into a "don't help me" thing this isn't about that there's some stuff that's just like, my migraines, right. they're bad, they're always bad, they're just a part of my life. i don't need you to become a paranormal neurosurgeon to help me. all i need you to do is hang out with me and give me gatorade and all that i know you want the best shit for me and i know i'm bad at accepting help but if i say i want something, it's not secret code for some other better thing i dunno if this is coming out right you want to give me the best. if i'm saying what i want and you give that thing to me, that's the best. if i say i want tasty burger, i want tasty burger. i don't secretly want or need filet mignon, you know you, just existing, just being there, is more than enough for me you're all that i want. you. there's no secret better code
so right back atcha my james, my buddy, my pal, love of my life
> it didn't feel very brave most things that other people think are don't feel that way you can be shitting your pants doing it but people will still see the strength you didn't realize you were wielding it's not as obvious to us in the hot seat, you know? cause we're just in our heads and we don't always see the big picture
and yeah I know this may be spoilers but I'm actually pretty famous for being a great sitting companion for that dude who was Captain America idk if you heard
also I may want the best for you but I'm not loaded so I'm not sure how I would pull filet mignon out of my ass on a whim don't worry, I know tasty burger is tasty but if you ask for knock off blue Gatorade cause we can't find the real stuff, I'm still going to look for it so just so you know that I agree mostly on principal but disagree by certain premise
if there is something I can do, you have to let me know though, okay? I'm usually just guessing and if I don't know for sure, I'll keep trying to guess, even if I got it right already I can't know unless you tell me
pretend the heart emoji is here I typed it and it's just so weird looking to me I'm not sure if I can actually send it
wait what do black holes have to do with captain america that's not what you meant, right? you're talking about the other thing nevermind
no, the metaphor fits, check it because in the metaphor it's like, you're beating yourself up all sad because you think i deserve filet mignon but you can't afford it, but you got me tasty burger and that was all i asked for, so that's what makes me happy
i'm trying to be better about saying if i need something i don't ask people for things, so it's kind of a big deal and i appreciate you trying to guess so much
maybe it'll feel better if you always put your hearts in a color 💙 ?
yeah the other thing I have a lot of love and a lot of patience
I mean I don't think either of us would prefer filet mignon over tasty burger we both know tasty burger has clout it's tasty burger everyone knows tasty burger
( it's a brand™ now. )
I'm bad about it to so I get it but I just know when we have sort of crossed wires it's always when we don't understand each other and I guess I want to find a way to protect us from being blind to each other when we have the time to spare for it does that make sense?
i mean they should know tasty burger, it's fuckin lit shit do we need to go to tasty burger i realized i never took you to tasty burger it's a boston fast food place the name is real
yeah it makes sense i always wanna work on it too you know if i do something wrong you gotta tell me so i can course correct
bro what i mean blue gatorade is the best gatorade but i figured your hearts would be blue mine are black just like real life lol 🖤
yeah same for me, okay? we can work on stuff together independently I mean but like in tandem ish with cheats
I wouldn't know I've never had Gatorade if my hearts are blue in real life does that mean I'm dead? black seems like a different problem like a zombie or something anyway you just want to be cooler than me I guess so I'll let you have it
i'm down that's what couple shit is all about, right
and no your heart's not blue if you're dead although people say your blood is blue before it hits oxygen and that's bullshit, but it's really really dark red especially under your veins right so your heart right now probably looks so dark red it's kind of blue 🫀 see even the emoji has some blue in it but people kinda turn blue when they die because your heart's not spreading oxygen anymore so your blood gets less and less red but your blood isn't gonna drain out of your chest the same way it would from your skin so it'd probably stay really really dark almost blue red i'm guessing i haven't cut open a dead body just for the record anyway sorry for that whole ass tangent you didn't ask for 💙
[ why does he turn into an encyclopedia of nerd facts around bucky. it's like he can only eat all his shoes or teach science lessons so random??? ]
supposedly it's not really the thing I was aware of before but I guess it's the modern thing and we're modern people
you make it almost sound like you have cut open a dead body but I appreciate the insight I was mostly just postulating for the record also and wasn't actually confused 🖤
because we were talking about it? it wasn't that deep i wish we were eating tasty burger together right now 💔 😔
i was teasing you a little but only because i love you "modern" sounded so proper in this like, old romance novel way i know that pride and prejudice shit is older than you are
i think it's interesting the same way i think all biology stuff is interesting it's my thing, so i like knowing how it works having a fancy ass car isn't as fun if you don't know what button does what
i'm trying really hard to work in an innuendo like "really familiar with your human body 🖤" but it's not even true because you've got all that serum stuff going on 🤦🏻 but yeah i'm not a doctor but i think i know a whole fuckin lot
Edited (i hate repeating my icons!!!!) 2024-08-02 02:26 (UTC)
[ alex won't tease him about the usage of "doing it", especially not after he didn't take mr. darcy well 😭 it's okay, he loves him for it... ]
yeah i hear you it's like my migraines even if they were "normal" migraines you can't really diagnose them anyway, you have to prove it's not anything else but it's obviously related to psychic shit, but what can they do with that, i'm double fucked just fucking getting through it on my own
anyway if there's anything you need help figuring out, we could get even more familiar... 😏
yeah exactly like that a lot of things that are just anomalies to them are normal for us so it's easier not needing to explain and figuring it out by myself and such
though if I'm there, and you have a headache, I do think it helps if I'm there to distract you for what it's worth
( he means like cuddling but alex can...read that however he wants. )
figuring out like what?
( he's too vanilla to know what this means, bruh. )
[ don't worry, alex took it in the most pg-rated way possible 😂 😭 ]
i like when you're there to distract me you're really good at taking care of people you know
and i was going for innuendo again not well lmao but i mean if there's anything i can do... in general, i dunno healing your cuts and scrapes or some shit
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
what if it's my blood?kiddingit's probably the gun oil
it takes on a certain smell when cleaning a gun
the arm doesn't smell like anything even to me but that's probably since the vibranium has been thoroughly refinedalso I think your sense of smell is fine if you can pick up on the gunmetalso thererightI'm not asking because I don't understand the conceptI'm just not sure what exactly he thinks he can do or what you think he'd do
he's not part of my world and I'm not part of hisbut the people I know actually control a lot of the world we both exist in and I have to make concessions for that regardlessno subject
anyway
okay, i should probably lay out how it works
fuckin ziggy stardust doesn't actually make anything happen, not himself
he can't actually physically affect anything here
people who make deals rack up favors, and most of the time, they pay them back by doing random shit they don't know why they're doing
example: a lot of my meds i get because a doctor or pharmacy tech or whatever get a message to write a prescription for, i dunno, alexei volkov or something and send it to whatever cvs
they don't know shit about me or why they're doing it, they're just doing it because they owe favors
a lot of it's little stuff like that, like leave a package somewhere
big grants get big favors. steal something, set something on fire, cause a car crash
maybe they're filling an end of another bargain, like
okay: dead ass classic monkey paw shit
someone wishes for money. some other schmuck drops their cig without stomping it, sets the first person's house on fire, parents die, they collect inheritance
so then, say, maybe you feel pissed off because you feel like you got shorted, right. you didn't think it was gonna go like that, so now you're like "why the fuck would i go break glass in a parking lot, i'm not doing that"
that's when there's problems. it's not just tit for tat, they're gunking up the machine
so it's not something like some cryptid-looking ass showing up in your window you gotta worry about
it could BE someone from hydra or any other people you know tailing your ass
or more likely a bunch of randos setting off some domino effect they don't even know they're part of
no subject
Alexander 🙂( he probably meant to use the smirk. maybe. )
honestly? none of that is too different from HYDRAbut there's a difference between choosing to be involved and acting from outside their means
to me, I meanI know you don't feel that way but that's usually where things come apart
you have to be part of the machine to feel the consequences of ityou are alreadyI'm not
he can't do anything to me unless he forces me into the machineand I already have nothing to lose
(other than you but like you're already in it, as I said, and your function is already guaranteed)no subject
i love you and that's scary as fuck to me because i don't want anything to happen to you because of me
and i know, i remember, whatever you're gonna do is your choice
but i'm really fucking scared of something happening to you
i don't know how to be like you about it
i'm just trying to survive in the machine
me being scared doesn't mean i don't believe in you, or... i don't know, it means that i'm scared that i care about someone enough that it could hurt
please tell me you get that
no subject
of course I dosorry I wanted to keep it flirty but I need to address this properlythis is what love meanslove means that sometimes you make choices for each other that you know might hurt but you have to trust are worth the riskbeing able to accept that hurt is part of loving someone, even if things don't go the way you personally preferESPECIALLY if they don'tand if that's too muchwell I don't think I need to say what the solution isbut that's just what it means to love
and I'm not like...whatever you mean when you say "I don't know how to be like you about it"I'm afraid toopeople know about you that I don't want knowing about you
the world isn't as big as we like to pretend it isbut I thought letting it go was worth it, getting to see you and be with you for a weekif I'm asking too much of you, then I understandbut to me, you'll always be worth it, Alexanderno subject
and you can say things then do them
you could be like "i'm gonna go move the sun now" and i'd expect you to fuckin float up into space and move the sun
i wish i could be like that
i try to be like that but it's just shitty acting
i know you're saying you're afraid too, but i really think that much of you
you're still the coolest person i know
i'm sorry i'm not better at... being loved?? i guess is what i'm trying to say, lmao
like dead ass, when you're ready to bend over backwards for me, i'm just like, why???
which is on me being fucked up
like i would do the same for you in a second yknow
i don't mean it like i wouldn't
i don't think it's too much
i just don't want you to get hurt because of me
you can say you won't or you don't care if you do and you'd do it a million times but it's not gonna make me not feel bad
cause i'd do the same for you
no subject
you are, thoughbraveyou admitted how you felt when you didn't have toand you gave me a chance when you didn't even know what it really meant yet because you felt it mattered enough
you're the sun in my sky, Alexanderthat's how love is thoughif you do the same I'll probably feel bad tooscared for you when I think you only deserve the best and maybe I can't really give that to you anyway
upset that I'm not more and can't be the answer to your problems, that you can hurt even when I do everything to try and stop it
but I love you because you're you and not because you're someone elseif you were any other way, you wouldn't be the man I loveno subject
i was gonna talk about the sun then it turned into me rambling about space
like i was gonna call you a black hole because black holes are the only things that have any effect on the sun and they're really misunderstood and how they work is actually wicked cool and then
well i guess i just did anyway
anyway
i think some of love has to be just being there even if you can't solve the problem
i'm not trying to turn it into a "don't help me" thing
this isn't about that
there's some stuff that's just
like, my migraines, right. they're bad, they're always bad, they're just a part of my life. i don't need you to become a paranormal neurosurgeon to help me. all i need you to do is hang out with me and give me gatorade and all that
i know you want the best shit for me and i know i'm bad at accepting help
but if i say i want something, it's not secret code for some other better thing
i dunno if this is coming out right
you want to give me the best. if i'm saying what i want and you give that thing to me, that's the best. if i say i want tasty burger, i want tasty burger. i don't secretly want or need filet mignon, you know
you, just existing, just being there, is more than enough for me
you're all that i want. you. there's no secret better code
so right back atcha my james, my buddy, my pal, love of my life
no subject
> it didn't feel very bravemost things that other people think are don't feel that way
you can be shitting your pants doing it but people will still see the strength you didn't realize you were wieldingit's not as obvious to us in the hot seat, you know? cause we're just in our heads and we don't always see the big pictureand yeah I knowthis may be spoilers but I'm actually pretty famous for being a great sitting companion for that dude who was Captain Americaidk if you heard
alsoI may want the best for you but I'm not loaded so I'm not sure how I would pull filet mignon out of my ass on a whim
don't worry, I know tasty burger is tastybut if you ask for knock off blue Gatorade cause we can't find the real stuff, I'm still going to look for it
so
just so you know that I agree mostly on principal but disagree by certain premiseif there is something I can do, you have to let me know though, okay? I'm usually just guessing and if I don't know for sure, I'll keep trying to guess, even if I got it right alreadyI can't know unless you tell mepretend the heart emoji is hereI typed it and it's just so
weird looking to me I'm not sure if I can actually send it
no subject
that's not what you meant, right? you're talking about the other thing
nevermind
no, the metaphor fits, check it
because in the metaphor it's like, you're beating yourself up all sad because you think i deserve filet mignon but you can't afford it, but you got me tasty burger and that was all i asked for, so that's what makes me happy
i'm trying to be better about saying if i need something
i don't ask people for things, so it's kind of a big deal
and i appreciate you trying to guess so much
maybe it'll feel better if you always put your hearts in a color
💙 ?
no subject
yeah the other thingI have a lot of love
and a lot of patience
I mean I don't think either of us would prefer filet mignon over tasty burgerwe both know tasty burger has cloutit's tasty burgereveryone knows tasty burger
( it's a brand™ now. )
I'm bad about it to so I get itbut I just know when we have sort of crossed wires it's always when we don't understand each other
and I guess I want to find a way to protect us from being blind to each other when we have the time to spare for itdoes that make sense?💙you just like blue because of Gatorade thoughno subject
shit do we need to go to tasty burger
i realized i never took you to tasty burger
it's a boston fast food place
the name is real
yeah it makes sense
i always wanna work on it too you know
if i do something wrong you gotta tell me so i can course correct
bro what
i mean blue gatorade is the best gatorade but i figured your hearts would be blue
mine are black
just like real life lol
🖤
no subject
yes I know there's one by the common you goof( this is why he's making the joke!!! )
yeahsame for me, okay?
we can work on stuff togetherindependently I mean but likein tandem
ish
with cheatsI wouldn't know I've never had Gatoradeif my hearts are blue in real life does that mean I'm dead?black seems like a different problemlike
a zombie or something
anyway you just want to be cooler than me I guess so I'll let you have itno subject
i'm down
that's what couple shit is all about, right
and no your heart's not blue if you're dead
although people say your blood is blue before it hits oxygen and that's bullshit, but it's really really dark red
especially under your veins right
so your heart right now probably looks so dark red it's kind of blue
🫀 see even the emoji has some blue in it
but people kinda turn blue when they die because your heart's not spreading oxygen anymore so your blood gets less and less red
but your blood isn't gonna drain out of your chest the same way it would from your skin so it'd probably stay really really dark almost blue red
i'm guessing
i haven't cut open a dead body
just for the record
anyway sorry for that whole ass tangent you didn't ask for
💙
[ why does he turn into an encyclopedia of nerd facts around bucky. it's like he can only eat all his shoes or teach science lessons so random??? ]
no subject
then get some 🙂supposedlyit's not really the thing I was aware of before but I guess it's the modern thing and we're modern people
you make it almost sound like you have cut open a dead bodybut I appreciate the insight
I was mostly just postulatingfor the record also
and wasn't actually confused🖤no subject
yeah, mr. darcy, it's the "modern thing"
i love you dude dead ass lmao
i should've figured that....
i just got excited to talk about blood
so that's on me
🫀
no subject
what? because I made the joke?Iokaythanks I think?how much do you like blood?like in general
no subject
i wish we were eating tasty burger together right now 💔 😔
i was teasing you a little but only because i love you
"modern" sounded so proper in this like, old romance novel way
i know that pride and prejudice shit is older than you are
i think it's interesting the same way i think all biology stuff is interesting
it's my thing, so i like knowing how it works
having a fancy ass car isn't as fun if you don't know what button does what
no subject
I'm sorry we don't have it here 🙁I'd love to eat with you toorightI guess that's dated for me to say
sorry
so you're very familiar with the human body, then?no subject
for real
i'm trying really hard to work in an innuendo like "really familiar with your human body 🖤" but it's not even true because you've got all that serum stuff going on 🤦🏻
but yeah
i'm not a doctor but i think i know a whole fuckin lot
no subject
well you are growing familiar with it, right?we've done it a few times now so( 'it' because bucky is too embarrassed to say the word sex. )
it's the same for menot a doctor but I know a decent amount
have to since doctors can't figure out shit with the serum anyway so I need to figure stuff out on my own sometimesno subject
yeah i hear you
it's like my migraines
even if they were "normal" migraines you can't really diagnose them anyway, you have to prove it's not anything else
but it's obviously related to psychic shit, but what can they do with that, i'm double fucked
just fucking getting through it on my own
anyway
if there's anything you need help figuring out, we could get even more familiar... 😏
no subject
yeah exactly like thata lot of things that are just anomalies to them are normal for us
so it's easier not needing to explain and figuring it out by myself and suchthoughif I'm there, and you have a headache, I do think it helps if I'm there to distract you
for what it's worth( he means like cuddling but alex can...read that however he wants. )
figuring out like what?( he's too vanilla to know what this means, bruh. )
no subject
i like when you're there to distract me
you're really good at taking care of people you know
and i was going for innuendo again
not well lmao
but i mean if there's anything i can do... in general, i dunno
healing your cuts and scrapes or some shit
no subject
it's what I thought my purpose in life was for a long time( and then steve didn't need him anymore, and... )
oh likelike trying stuff you mean?( ...he's definitely blushing now. )
cuts and scrapes aren't usually that big of a dealbut I might trouble you with a broken rib or two
I meanassuming you're in town
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