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i said wrong, not dirty
it was more wrong in the what the fuck kind of serial killer bullshit sense

but i was really going for a blanket or coffee cup or something though
in general

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oh
right
I'm not opposed to a little blood or knives though
I'm just
saying

uh


we can have those too 🙂
and also a toothbrush

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is that so
how about you expand on that. wrong way or dirty way?

aw, i'm glad you took time to think about my oral hygiene
i mean i was gonna just bring some of my shit over
like i said just some little whatevers
so you have something nice

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if by dirty we're talking like sex and stuff then definitely dirty

well you don't have to leave one here if you don't want to

( leaving one there would just imply that alex will be back again soon, though. )

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sick, me too 😏

what?? i wasn't being sarcastic, i thought it was nice
sweet. adorable even
i just meant the other stuff
not-toothbrush stuff

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the blood and knives?

oh
I mean
right
that makes sense
sorry
just not wanting to be too weird I guess or whatever

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yes! geez

oh man don't worry
being weird is story of my life, deadass
i'll bring a toothbrush for keeps
it'll be a hella bright colored one or some shit so everyday you can see it in your bathroom and say
what the fuck is that

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just making sure!
but good 🙂 very good

'what is that color anyway, the color of then inside of Alex's brain?'
I'll make sure it sits very noticeably by the sink

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i was thinking yellow or orange so that makes me worry for my brain now
i feel like you're angling for pink and it doesn't bother me but but it IS kind of silly

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why pink? cause I said it was the inside of you?
I didn't really know what color to pick, honestly

( pink was also not a color men avoided in bucky's time. )

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yeah. it's more of a brain color than red
although neither are really internal organ-colored

[ it's okay bucky, alex wasn't that heavily invested in anti-pink slander. especially when he can go on a tangent... ]

yeah i dunno, i think if i had to pick my favorite color besides black, like color-color, it'd be yellow
it's really in your face, yknow? like caution tape
funny thing about yellow though is that nobody goes out of the way to pick it, so when you do, they're like "wow you must like yellow"
like yeah my car is yellow, maybe i fuckin like it. i don't go up to people like "wow your favorite color must be dirt gray"

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bones are also like a yellow white
eggshell I guess
and there are those blue veins and such, on the matter of just body colors

yellow is nice
lively
like the sun
yellow isn't really an option for a lot of things though, so I think part of that is also just the people with money trying to dictate what people feel about colors
what's your favorite animal then?

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those don't really fit the "ultra bright color you can't ignore" thing i was going for for your bathroom though

and yeah that sounds about right for people with money
fuck them

i know you're not asking after all the time i spent talking your head off about sharks dude
great white all the way

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maybe not
I figured you'd probably just pick something neon honestly

hey you never specified
I knew you loved them a lot but that doesn't mean they're they top #1

I love a lot of animals and I don't even have a #1

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exactly

yeah well, they've been my favorite since i was kid and that means i'm not about to change it now
name some of your favorites then, go
can't lose since animals are better than people anyway

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you say that but I'm pretty sure you won't like one of them as much

dogs cats birds wolves
various types of each

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man it is genuinely funny how much you hate specifics
at first it annoyed me, now it's funny, deadass

and look, it's not that i hate dogs
i hate how hard it is to not be around dogs because everyone loves them
and getting told i made up having a dog allergy as an excuse to, i dunno, be a killjoy
because that's a normal fucking thing to lie about

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I wouldn't say I hate them
I just don't really know what I like maybe
not in the way people mean

( he did kind of lose track of how to be a person for a while there, so this isn't very strange to him. )

well I don't think you made it up or are a killjoy about dogs
allergies can be genuinely awful and life threatening
so they should be taken seriously

though also fuck those people who pretend to have them and waste precious resources on themselves

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nothing wrong with being indecisive
for real, it's fine

but don't worry in case you were worrying
i carry a ward against dogs otherwise i'd walk out into the city and just die lol
but it doesn't make me wanna go hug a big ass st bernard to test the limit yknow

if you wanna know some super lame shit about me
the first time i went to the hospital it's because when i was a kid i was playing with a dog and i stopped being able to breathe

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maybe

I wouldn't mind helping facilitate, if you'd really want to, but obviously I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do if your throat starts closing up other than rush you to the hospital

I don't think that's lame though
I'm sure it was really terrifying and confusing for you
it always sucks if you're hurt by something you feel things for too

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are you saying maybe to be funny or are you indecisive about being indecisive
🖤

yeah no exposure therapy shit for me
i've got enough going on without fucking around with all that

but thanks
lmao before anyone explained what the fuck happened i thought the dog cursed me
and this was before i knew anything about paranormal shit, i just had an imagination

is there anything you believed as a kid that you look back on and laugh because it's so fuckin bonkers

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I said maybe because I don't really agree with it being called indecisive and didn't want to argue about it

in some ways that would be true, wouldn't it? that you were cursed by the dog
at least that's why it's not so difficult to imagine that people believed in those things through all of history and still today, even if they're more the fake sort of paranatural and not the real deal

Santa probably
he's nowhere near as manufactured as he is today and it's not like I believed in the idea for long but I knew we always locked the door to the apartment at night for a reason and it wouldn't make sense to leave it unlocked for just one guy
I do think he's probably real in another sense now though
like as a cryptid or something

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what do you call it? i'm not trying to argue or be an asshole i'm curious
and sorry if i pissed you off tbc

but yeah, he's probably some kind of real
or i wouldn't be surprised
belief is what gives power to things y'know
not in like a cutesy quote way but actually

funny story
i'm not jewish-jewish but we did some of the holidays when baba was alive
so we didn't do shit like christmas
i don't even remember this but i guess i asked why santa hated us
it made my mom cry, and then we had christmas every year lmao

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idk some things just don't need to be decided. like what would you call needing to choose between a chocolate chip cookie and a cake right now with no actual consequence or result? it's a hypothetical but even if you choose one, both, or none, the result is really the same, isn't it? I'm just not sure why I have to pick specifics when the general statement sufficed and I love several kinds of each too
why can't I like or want more than one thing either?
I'm not mad
just frustrated

yeah, that's what I think too
sometimes believing has it's own power
and knowing what that means is important

damn
well that's one way to get Christmas to happen haha

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i mean, yeah, you're right, the result is net zero, but i think it kind of says something about you?
not that question in particular, all your choices
i'm not a sociologist, i'm trying to think about this in realtime so if it sounds stupid that's why
if we both chose cookie, cool, we have something in common
if i choose cake and you choose cookie and you're like "i fuckin hate cake," then i'm like "damn maybe i better do something different for my birthday"
if you choose a favorite animal maybe i know what to get your for YOUR birthday
i'm just trying to learn about you and i guess not being able to pick made more sense to me than not caring

yeah well, we'll never know if i really believed santa hated us or if i was scheming my way to presents, but i feel like it could've gone either way 🤷🏻